Starting Again
by xxxLauraxxx
Summary: Set after SOS Kate & Jack haven't spoken since bringing Micheal back to the hatch. Takes place a few days after & starts off from Kate's POV


Title: Starting Again  
Pairing: Jack & Kate  
Status: One-shot/Complete  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost or ABC nor am I affiated with them in any way.  
Summary: Set after SOS (best Jate ep **EVER**) Kate & Jack haven't spoken since bringing Micheal back to the hatch. Takes place a few days after & starts off from Kate's side of things. Contains slight spoilers & be warned this was written im my insomniac state late last night while normal people were sleeping I was writing this so it could be a little rough round the edges. Anyways hope you enjoy & please review

The waves lapped gently by the shore & a gentle breeze blew past her face as she stood in the same spot on the beach where she'd been for hours. A million thoughts were swirling through her head each one fighting to get to the front of her mind. Sighing deeply she kicked the sand out of frustration. It had been a few days since she'd gone on the trek into the jungle with Jack. A few long days she quickly reminded herself but still the events of that day were as vivid in her memory as if it had happened merely a few hours ago & she couldn't help but smile as she remembered.  
_"I'm sorry I kissed you Jack".  
"I'm not"._  
"I'm not" those two little words were the thing that kept coming back into her mind. It wasn't exactly the response she'd been expecting but she couldn't deny the fact that it given her back the slight glimer of hope she'd been missing since they'd first fallen out.  
But now ever since things had been even more awkward then they had been before. She had found herself finding everyway possible to avoid him not because she wanted to, no, because she was afraid that if she spoke with him again he might have changed his mind. He might have decided that actually yeah he was sorry too & that the kiss had just been a mistake to him & that alone would have been worse then then anything else he could ever say or do to her. So she avoided him. Everytime she found herself wanting to go talk to him or just to see him she thought up some excuse of why she couldn't. She always found a way out of it, another reason to keep away. Despite her best efforts every now & then she caught quick glimpses of him whether it was by the beach or the caves but everytime she always managed to keep out of his sight. He never knew she was there but a part of Kate wondered what he would do if he had seen her. Would he come to talk to her or just simply blank her, act as though she wasn't even there? She never gave herself the chance to find out though & just accepted the fact that this was the way things were going to be from now on. As much as it pained her to remember one particular time stuck out in her mind.  
She had just come back from picking fruit in the jungle when she caught sight of him standing by the shore & for a moment she stood there allowing herself just to watch him while every part of her body screamed for her to go talk to him. For a split second she was actually considering it until she saw her, Ana, striding down the beach making her way towards him. Her stomach suddenly dropped when she saw how is face lit up once he saw her. Ever since she'd shown up Kate had felt immedietly threatened. Up until that point she knew she had been thought of as the heroine of the island. For once in her life people looked up to her & for just that short time she felt as though maybe somehow deep down she was almost good enough for Jack. But then Ana appeared & things suddenly changed. Even though she had killed Shannon, one of their people, everyone turned to her for leadership. She was the cop after all, she had killed one of the others, she was everything Kate wasn't. She stood for a minute torturing herself watching as Jack laughed & joked with Ana, the way he used to laugh & joke with her & it killed her. She knew she had messed things up, the way they were now was completely her own fault. There was no-one to blame but herself. 

"Hey", a voice spoke up gently behind her breaking through her thoughts.  
Hearing him speak she held her breath. She knew instantly it was Jack & for a split second she thought she felt her heart stop.  
"Hey", she said shakily refusing to look him in the eye, panicking she tried to figure out what to do next. One half of her was screaming for her to stay, to just sort things out once & for all but the other part was telling at her to go, just turn around & go. She'd done it before why not do it again? Battling both sides of her for a minute she tried to ignore the fact that he was looking intently at her waiting to see what she was going to do. Going with all she knew & all she was she quickly wiped away the hot tears that were forming at the corner of her eyes threatening to spill at any minute & with an aching heart she told him,  
"I em...I have to go...", & quickly bent down to pick up her shoes.  
"You're gonna run again?", he said coldly.  
For a second she stopped letting his words pierce through her. She could hear the disappointment in his voice & she did everything she could to stop herself from breaking down.  
"I'm not running", she said quietly still with her back to him.  
"How long more are you going to avoid me for?"  
"Me avoid you?", she spat suddenly turning around to face him. "I don't remember you coming to see me. Why should I be the one to come sort things out?"  
"You're the one that wants to pretend like nothing happened. Your the one that's...sorry", he answered bitterly shattering Kate's already broken heart.  
She said nothing for a minute just stared, stared at the man she so desperately wanted to love but fought off every urge she had as hard as she could. She wished for nothing more at that moment then for Jack just to turn & walk away. That would have to hurt less then the betrayed look in his eyes that she couldn't tear herself away from as hard as she tried. But instead he just stood there staring back at her refusing to be the one to walk away first & give her what she wanted.

After what seemed like a lifetime Kate found the strength to speak up first.  
"I'm not sorry", she whispered softly.  
"About what?", he asked gently determined not to hurt her anymore then he already was.  
"About the kiss. I told you I was sorry but...i'm not. I wanted to kiss you that day in the jungle".  
"Then why did you say you were Kate? I just don't get you sometimes", he told her wearily rubbing his forehead.  
Kate sighed loudly & said nothing for a minute. Knowing this was going to take her a long time to explain she dropped her shoes again & plonked herself down in the sand hoping Jack would do the same. After a few seconds consideration he sat down beside her eager to hear what it was she had to say.  
"I said I was sorry because...because I thought it would be easier. I thought maybe if that's what you believed then things could go back to way they were. We could go back to being friends. I hated the way things were between us. Everytime we were around each other there was this horrible tension & when I wasn't with you I missed you. I missed not being able to see you & not just being able to talk like we used to. For the first time on here I felt completely on my own. I was surrounded by people every day but it wasn't the same. When you asked me to go on the trek with you I thought things would change & we could start again. Telling you I was sorry that was my way of fixing things. I never expected you to say you weren't sorry I just assumed you'd agree with me".  
"I gave the wrong answer so?", he laughed gently.  
"No...not the wrong answer, just different to what I expected", she smiled.  
"So why have you been avoiding me then the last few days?"  
"I thought...I was afraid that maybe you might have em...", she mumbled struggling to get the words out.  
Suddenly it dawned on Jack just what it was she'd been afraid of, "You thought I might change my mind, decide I wasn't sorry?", he asked softly.  
"Yeah...", she mumbled looking down at her hands.  
"Hmmm", he said quietly nodding his head. Kate waited for him to speak again, give her something more, anything, but that was it. That was all he offered.  
Kate suddenly felt completly deflated again. Hmmm? That was it that was all she was getting? Hmmm? Deciding she had humiliated herself more then enough & not wanting to be around him anymore with a heavy heart she dragged herself up & went to pick up her shoes again.  
"Wait where are you going?", Jack asked her grabbing her by the arm.  
Trying to wriggle out of his grip "You got your explanation, now let me go", she said harsher then she meant too.  
"So that's it. You don't want to hear what I have to say?"  
"You've already said all you have to say. I get it Jack you don't need to tell me anymore".  
"Well i'm glad you get it Kate, would you like to explain to me what _it_ is?"  
"Jack i'm sick of all these games. It's constantly hot & cold with you. I've just opened up my heart to you & all I get is a lousy hmmm? I don't know why I even bothered now let me go", she spat & with one hard tug she yanked her arm out of his grip.  
Jack stared at her for a minute completely unaware of what to say. She's officially lost it he thought to himself & before he knew it she was storming off down the beach in the opposite direction absolutely seething. It took Jack a minute or two to get his brain working again & quickly coming to his senses he tore off after her.  
"Kate, hold on. Will you just wait for one second".  
"What is it Jack?", she spat swinging around to face him. "Do you want to add an oh or I see to your pathetic hmmm? Is that it, is that what you want to tell me?"  
Despite his best efforts to stop it Jack erupted suddenly into a fit of laughter. This only made the situation worse. Kate tensed up even more then Jack thought was humanly possible & clenced her fists so hard she almost drew blood. Her breathing became increasingly more erractic & her eyes went cold & narrowed as she watched him laugh at her expense.  
"Well i'm glad you find this all so amusing Jack", she said darkly & shot him another disgusted look before turning on her heel & attemping to flounce off again but Jack reacted quicker this time & grabbed her firmly by the shoulders holding her back.  
"Kate, hold on a second. Just hear me out ok?"  
She said nothing but she didn't struggle this time either so taking it as his chance Jack began,  
"Ok first of all Kate I haven't changed my mind. I'm still not sorry about the kiss & if I had the chance to do it over the only thing I would change was the fact that I let you run off. The only reason I avoided you at all after was because all of a sudden Sawyer had become like your shadow & everytime I even tried to come see you he was aways there with that stupid smirk on his face".  
As she listened to him speak Kate couldn't help but smile as she saw that same adorable look on his face he'd make everytime he ever mentioned Sawyer's name.  
"Anyway after a while I was so sick of the way things had gotten between us I tried talking to you again. Things suddenly started going right between us so I thought that by asking you to come on the trek with me we might finally go back to the way things were before. But then just as I thought things were back to normal you tell me your sorry for kissing me & spend the next few days avoiding me. It took me a while to build up the courage to come talk to you again but when I do the next thing you've decided is that your not sorry for kissing me after all & just as things are almost back to the way we were you suddenly change again & you start ranting about me hmmming at you & storming off down the beach".  
Kate stared at him for a moment taking in what he'd just said before suddenly bursting out laughing realising how stupid she must have looked.  
"I'm sorry Jack i've been acting like a lunatic", she managed to get out between peels of laughter.  
"It's ok Kate I never thought you were that normal to begin with anyway", he teased & got a swift dig in the side for his troubles.  
Placing his hands firmly on her shoulders he looked her in the eye & said seriously,  
"Ok Kate tell me honestly. Are you sorry or not for kissing me? I just need to know one way or another"  
Controlling her laughter she looked up him & for a minute she allowed herself get lost in his eyes. She had never noticed before just how beautiful & alluring they were before.  
"Kate?", he spoke nervously snapping her out of her thoughts.  
"What?...I...oh", she stammered & blushed realising just how long she been staring.  
Recovering quickly she suddenly remembered his question & smiling shyly she told him truthfully, "No. No i'm not. Not even the tiniest bit".  
Jack smiled broadly & letting his hands fall from her shoulders he caught hers intertwining her fingers delicately with his. Kate tensed up ever so slightly for a split second before quickly relaxing again & relished the feel of his touch. Bringing his lips down to her he grazed them gently before pulling away nervously just to get confiramtion that this was what she wanted too but the look on her face told him all he needed to know. Letting go of her hands again he wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her in closer & captured her lips again. Kate reached up placing her hands softly on either side of his face & in that one moment everything suddenly fell into place. They had both finally got what they'd been wanting their whole lives, a new beginning & despite the voices telling them that this was a mistake & to end it now before someone got hurt they pushed those negative thoughts away because something deep inside them told them that from now everything was going to be all right.

FIN 

Voila there we!! go please review & tell me what you think xxx


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